


here's the life you want so badly

by heilige_bos



Category: Cucumber Quest
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Gen, excuse me sir this is my emotional support fanfic, family au, yes i do have no shame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:55:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25897075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heilige_bos/pseuds/heilige_bos
Summary: 'What happens when an introverted dad of 8 gets a SURPRISE visit from his extroverted brother and his son??? Watch the heartwarming hijinks unfold as this disastrous family of 11 learns that sometimes, all you need is each other.'Inspiration and summary are taken from Tumblr user loopy-lupe. Check them out for the original post and some AWESOME art!(https://loopy-lupe.tumblr.com/post/157909033710/what-happens-when-an-introvert-dad-of-8-gets-a)
Relationships: Disaster Masters & Peridot (Cucumner Quest), Nightmare Knight & Disaster Masters (Cucumber Quest), Nightmare Knight & Peridot (Cucumber Quest), Nightmare Knight & Steve (Cucumber Quest), Steve & Thebestmaster (Cucumber Quest)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	here's the life you want so badly

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is an Everything is Fine and Everybody is Happy fanfic.
> 
> Yes, I will most likely cry after every chapter I write.
> 
> Yes, this will be multi-chaptered in which I add in a new chapter every time I'm having a good day (or have the time to)
> 
> Yes, Oneiros is The Nightmare Knight, this is my emotional support fanfic and I can do what I want.

_Crash_

“Ooooh! SMASH!”

_Bang_

**_ “HEY! WATCH IT!” _ **

_Smash_

_“Would you two give it a rest?”_

Oneiros reluctantly looked up, closing his cookbook with a hand. Further into the house, the sounds of chaos ensued. He hoped they’d resolve it on their own – as they were very capable of doing – but he drew a line at glass.

So with a sorrowful and longing look at his patiently awaiting baking supplies, he made his way out of the kitchen. Following the sounds – and the messes – Oneiros ended up in the living room.

Of course. Where else would it be?

Mute was involved, surprisingly. He was usually the calmer one – the one who stopped the fights before it had gotten too far. His opponent, on the other hand, wasn’t…surprising, unfortunately.

Oneiros blinked, watching as Peridot clambered up one of the sofas, perching on its arms in a way that made his stomach lurch. With a triumphant shout and her hands on her hips, she stared down as Mute scrabbled on the ground

“Up here!” she jeered. “Can’t get me, you stinking pile of sh-“

**“Peridot.”**

Her words dead in her throat, she glanced over to the doorway – where he stood, with his arms crossed. Oneiros tilted his head, pointedly glancing to the ground. Peridot winced and pouted but, eventually, found herself back on the carpet.

Mute found himself there as well, gloomily staring at the ground.

Oneiros sighed. **“The rest of you, go to your rooms. I need to speak to them both.”**

All six of his other children glanced around at each other – some of them snickering, some of them passing sympathetic glances. One by one, they all made their exit, no doubt relieved that they didn’t have to stay.

Stay, and receive the ‘Talk’ as they’d dubbed it.

“For the record,” Peridot said before he could even begin. “I was about to say ‘Shrimp’.”

Oneiros lifted an eyebrow. **“’Shrimp’.”**

She nodded quickly; absolutely convinced that she could fool him. “Yep.”

Oneiros sighed, rubbing a hand along his face. **“We’ll deal with your language later, Peridot. First, I want to know why you two were fighting.”**

Mute spoke up at that. _‘MMMM!’_

Oneiros glanced over to Peridot, his eyes wide in surprise. **“Did you hide Noise’s CD player?”**

Peridot harrumphed, pouting again. She crossed her arms and glanced away. “I was just tryna play with him! I _did_ ask if he wanted to play treasure hunt!”

**“Did he say yes?”**

“Yeah!” She cried out defensively, then blinked at his disbelieving stare. Peridot sighed, eyebrows furrowing. “…on the inside.”

Oneiros sighed softly. **“Noise may not want to play sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you can steal his stuff and try to make him. I want you to give it back and apologise afterwards, okay?”**

“Yeah yeah,” she grumbled, poking at the carpet with a toe. “I didn’t hide it that good anyway. He could’ve found it if he played.”

Softly, exasperatedly, he shook his head. **“And you, Mute. You know better than to fall for Peridot’s teasing. Especially since it’s not directed at _you_.”**

Cutting off Mute’s protests, he continued quickly; **“I’ll be right in assuming you didn’t even pause to let Noise deal with it by himself?”**

Mute’s protests died out. Slowly, also picking at the carpet, he nodded.

**“Do you two understand?”**

Silence, for a while. Then, there came the mumbled affirmations.

**“What are you going to do next?”**

Peridot straightened quickly, eyes wide with alarm. “Ah hey- wait! I promised Almond I’ll come by to her house later, so I gotta-“

**_“Almond_ invited you to her house? I thought she and her family were on vacation.”**

Peridot’s words died out again. She grimaced.

Oneiros scowled softly, shaking his head. **“Don’t try and avoid it. You and Mute are going to clean up the mess you’ve made-“**

“Mmm-!”

**“I know Peridot wouldn’t have been strong enough to overturn a _bookcase_ , Mute. You are not off the hook.”**

They both sighed, clearly unhappy about having to clean up. Well, they could’ve taken it outside – as he had suggested on multiple occasions.

In a household of nine – eight of them children – fights were…common.

**“Ah, wait-“** he called just as they were about to get to work. **“I heard glass, where is it?”**

* * *

The living room was their default. It was the only room that was large enough for all of them to sit and play together – as such, thanks to their games and their fights, it was also fashionably bare.

‘Fashionably’ as Dad had said whenever Rose brought it up. Every time she walked in, she scowled at the bareness of the walls and the blandness of just- _everything_.

_“You don’t know anything about fashion,”_ Rose would say, in response to Dad’s defence.

Dad would roll his eyes softly. **“I know some fair amount,”** he’d protest.

In truth, he probably _did_ know some. He always seemed to be pleased by whatever plans she drew for the room – but always hesitant at going out and getting the materials.

**“Later,”** he’d say.

Her first plan had been five months ago. _Later_ was starting to look a lot like _never_. It was frustrating, greatly so.

So who else would she vent out her frustrations to?

_“It’s like, he’s not even planning on getting supplies,”_ Rose fumed. _“Dad always says ‘later’, but how much ‘later’ is it going to be?”_

Busying herself with taking apart one of their wooden toys, Glitch was silent at first. **_“Y’know why he’s not going to get supplies, right?”_**

_“Because he’s lazy, because he doesn’t like to go out and talk to people, because he’s-“_

**_ “We don’t have the money for it.” _ **

Rose paused, staring at her sister in confusion. Her eyebrows furrowed. _“What?”_

Glitch splintered a small piece of the wooden toy. Something of a sigh escaped her. **_“I saw him late at night once, working at the dining table. He looked really frustrated and…”_**

Rose could see where this was going. _“You looked at his work? Glitch, you know Dad doesn’t like that.”_

Glitch harrumphed softly. **_“Was just curious. Besides, I found out why he doesn’t like us looking at it now. He only barely has enough to keep us afloat. He’s not going to spend it on some decorations.”_**

Rose glanced away, picking at the hem of her dress with her fingernails. She could see…why, now. But it didn’t make the sting of disappointment any lesser. ‘Later’ promised sometime, but this new information confirmed that it was most definitely ‘never’.

Muffled by the walls, she could hear the sound of the vacuum cleaner. Dad tried his best to be good for them – and judging by all the other families she saw, most people didn’t have to deal with _eight_ of them, and certainly not alone.

**_ “What are you thinking about?” _ **

Rose harrumphed softly, shaking her head. _“It’s nothing. I just thought…Dad rarely has free time, between work and spending time with us. It’s like, I can see him…”_

**_ “Stressing out on the inside?” _ **

_“Yeah,”_ she nodded, frowning deeply. _“Y’know how some families have **two** parents?”_

**_ “Yeah. MOTHER AND FATHER; TWO ADULTS WHO CARE FOR CHILDREN.” _ **

_“Oh, you know I hate it when you do that-“_

**_ “HATE; A STRONG DISLIKE TOWARDS A PARTICULAR OBJECT.” _ **

_“Glitch!”_ Rose chided, both amused by her sister’s antics, and genuinely wanting her to stop. She nudged her slightly, the leaves by her hands brushing the contact.

Glitch rippled in the air slightly. **_“Hey, that tickles.”_**

Rose grinned.

**_ “Rose, no-“ _ **

She bared her teeth, then laughed and smiled – a normal smile. _“Oh, hush. You know I am above tickling.”_

**_ “Thankfully.” _ **

Rose snickered softly, waving her off. _“Okay, but seriously. Maybe if Dad had someone else to help around, he wouldn’t be so stressed out all the time.”_

Glitch seemed to think about it – honestly, sometimes it was hard to gauge her reaction. The pair drifted into silence with only the sound of their other siblings – laughing and yelling – in the background.

**_ “Maybe-“ _ **

Glitch was interrupted by the sound of…knocking. Rose turned her head to the direction of the sound, frowning.

_“What time is it?”_

**_ “8.30 pm.” _ **

_“pm?”_

**_ “Well, it’s certainly not 8.30 in the morning.” _ **

Glitch’s snark was awarded with a scowl from her rose-hooded sister. The knocking resumed, now in earnest. Now, they weren’t the only ones who were realized what was at the front door – all eight were, all with frowns on their faces.

Quake glanced up from where he was playing a game of chess with Mist. He glanced over to his sisters, their questioning gazes mirrored in his own.

“Did yer invite someone over?” Quake grunted.

Rose shook her head softly. _“We’d tell Dad first, and Dad would tell us all. You know that.”_

He did. They all did, actually. That was the way things worked in their home. Dad didn’t usually mind if visitors came, but he hated it if he didn’t know in advance.

Probably because Dad usually had to work up the nerve to strike up a conversation on a regular day.

_“Peridot,”_ Mist called, not taking his gaze up from the chess pieces. _“Is Almond coming over again?”_

“No way! You know she’s on vacation. Besides, I’d tell Dad first. And he’d-“

**_“Tell the rest of us, we realize,”_** Glitch interrupted. She seemed to be staring, intensely, at the front door. **_“Someone call Dad.”_**

“Yo, I got you full out,” Noise rose to his feet, newly restored CD player in his hand. He grinned, breathing in a deep breath in _that_ way.

Instantly, the other seven winced and covered their ears just as Noise began to scream.

“DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!”

The shout rang through the entire house and, after they’ve all shook out the ringing in their ears, they could hear the vacuum cleaner come to an abrupt stop. There was silence, for a while, then Dad peeked into the living room.

He was grimacing lightly, shaking his head – not in a disapproving way, but more like he was trying to get the ringing out of his head.

**“Mm. Yes?”**

_“Someone’s knocking on our door,”_ Rose reported – helpfully punctuated by another storm of knock.

Dad glanced over to the door, his eyebrows furrowing. He straightened, leaning against the doorway as he stared – almost gloomily – at the front door, the incessant knocking now beginning to get on everyone’s nerves.

He glanced back into the living room. **“Did any of you invite someone over?”**

“NO,” they cried out in unison. “WE’D TELL YOU FIRST.”

Dad waved a hand at their choreographed speaking, grunting softly. With a soft sigh – and a very noticeable, displeased grimace – he walked over to the door.

They couldn’t see him from the living room, but they _could_ hear his voice and the soft clicking sounds as he unlatched the door.

**“Yes, yes. I’m opening the door there’s really no need to-“**

A creaking sound as the door opened, followed by pure and utter silence. Then, a deafening crash.

“HEY BRO! OH GOSH, HOW LONG’S IT BEEN?”

The eight glanced around at each other and, in a silent and mutual agreement, quickly began making their way over. They all froze at the threshold between the living room and the hallway, shocked still and staring.

Dad had half fallen over, only managing to support himself by the shelf where they kept their ‘outside’ things. Standing over him, a cheeky smile on his face and his hands on his hips, was…Dad?

Wait, no. This one was different – now obviously so, once they started paying attention. It was almost like he was the opposite of Dad.

**“Steve,”** Dad gasped, pulling himself upright **. “What’re you- you didn’t tell me you were going to visit.”**

“Awww, what? I can’t pay my favourite brother a surprise visit?” ‘Steve’ said.

**“I am your only brother, and you _know_ I don’t like surprises.”**

To that, Steve only gave out a loud and rambunctious laugh. “Oh brother, always with your jokes.”

**“I wasn’t-“**

“And who’s this?” ‘Steve’ glanced over to them, his smile shrinking ever so slightly. “Or should I say, who’re _these_?”

They glanced between Dad and his…brother? Steve? Since when did Dad have a brother?

“Yo, since when did Daddy-o have a crib mate?” Noise muttered, voicing aloud the question that had been rumbling in all their minds.

Steve glanced back over to Dad, who had now managed to get himself on his feet. “Aww, what? You didn’t tell your kids about their favourite Uncle Steve?”

“UNCLE?”

Dad sighed, brushing of some stray speck of dust on his shoulders. He glanced over to them, his eyes almost…sorrowful, as if he were apologizing on his brother’s behalf.

**“Children,”** he grunted, reluctance clear in his voice.. **“This is…Steve. My…brother.”**

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, every other chapter will be tearfully wholesome. Or as tearfully wholesome as I can make it. I'll try my best.


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